These Phrases from My Father Which Rescued Us during my time as a First-Time Parent

"I think I was simply in survival mode for a year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of fatherhood.

However the reality quickly became "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her chief support while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a good spot. You require assistance. In what way can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now more comfortable talking about the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a larger reluctance to open up among men, who continue to absorb negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and stays upright every time."

"It's not a display of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to request a respite - spending a couple of days overseas, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "poor actions" when younger to change how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the things that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - prioritising yourself is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the frustrations constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their issues, altered how they talk, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."